Some people are toxic
I am blessed to have a great support group of family and friends who helped me when I was too sick to help myself, encouraged me when I started investigating ways to get better, and who have celebrated with me as I have recovered.
However, there are also a lot of negative people in this world who can be as toxic to your well being as the chemicals in your environment. These may include coworkers, friends, acquaintances, medical personnel, family members, or opinionated strangers. You will have to decide how to deal with these people and the situations they create in order to maximize your recovery possibilities. These folks fall into several categories.
The Unbelievers
Because fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome have no obvious outwardly identifiable signs of illness, there will always be those who refuse to believe you are really sick. They try to cajole you into going on a shopping trip on days you barely have enough energy to get out of bed and take a shower. They suggest you get up and clean your house on days you are having so much pain that it takes every ounce of strength you possess to keep from crying and screaming. They tell you that your fatigue and pain are all in your head and you just need to shake it off and move on.
The Know-It-Alls
Some people are incapable of hearing about your illness without announcing that they have the perfect solution to your problem. If you would only try this medicine, take this supplement, do what their cousin's husband's next door neighbor did, you would feel better. I always appreciate hearing other sufferer's thoughts and ideas and collecting information about things to try that might help me feel better. But people who are not sick, have no background knowledge of this disease, and yet insist they have the perfect answer for your every need can be quite irritating.
The Polluters
Other people will refuse to cooperate in your quest to remove chemicals from your environment and diet. They will demand you eat food that you have determined is not good for you. They insist that one bite can't hurt you. They will drench themselves in perfume after you have politely explained you need to stay away from scented products. They will smoke around you even when you have asked them not to. Cigarette smoke contains over one hundred toxic chemicals. It is essential that you do not smoke yourself and that you avoid second hand smoke.
The Blockers
And then there are those folks who will throw obstacles into your path. They make negative comments about you and your illness. They find something wrong with every single thing you try to do to move toward recovery. They discourage you by their words and actions and attitudes.
What can you do about those people who are not helping you at all but are in fact driving you more crazy with each passing day?
This depends on who the person is and what the situation is. But it is important to remember that you are the one who holds the keys to how much control you allow negative people to have in your life. Here are a few ideas.
If your doctor is skeptical that your are sick or has no helpful suggestions regarding your treatment, look for another doctor.
If your aunt adamantly refuses to quit drenching herself in perfume every time you see her, limit your visits to her house.
If your coworker will not quit smoking in the break room, talk to your boss about instituting a no smoking policy in your office.
If your neighbor constantly puts you down, offers offensive opinions about your condition or is always negative about your illness, curtail the amount of time you spend with her.
If a stranger makes an inappropriate comment, decide in advance that you are going to smile and be kind even if they are rude. No one has the power to make you feel bad about yourself unless you allow them to do so. When my disease was at its worse, I always used the handicapped stall in public restrooms because my pain was so severe I needed to hold on to the bars in those facilities. I was greeted with disapproving stares on more than one occasion when I emerged from the stall because I didn't have a cane or a wheelchair. I always gave those scowling faces the most radiant smile I could muster.
If the discouraging, uncooperative, negative person is a close family member and limiting contact is not an option you may have to try a different approach. Information and patience are two good strategies. The more the problematic person understands about your illness and the things you are trying to do to get better, the more cooperation you may get. This often will not happen overnight so you have to be patient while waiting for that person to see the light.
Ultimately, I had to assume responsibility for my illness, my response to it, and my efforts to move toward recovery. After all, making drastic changes in my lifestyle was my decision, not someone else's decision. Sometimes I had to miss a party, avoid eating at a certain restaurant, avoid an event, or not attend a family gathering. I recognized that every single person in my life was not required to make changes just because I was making changes.
I hope you have more positive people in your life than negative people. I encourage you to find creative, helpful ways to deal with toxic people as you move toward healing.
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